Un-Edited First Draft:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YjCRXr4OUWJKvBObiTmOprKdzllOGJff4X5RHZ7pPmk/edit

My Revision Plan:

Peer review is always helpful when editing a draft. Especially a first draft, because you get new ideas with a freshly built paper. Therefore, you can add new ideas to expand to without so much stress because the paper is new. I know my paper needed lots of work anyways and it wasn’t close to being done. Specific comments that I received and will work on are organization errors such as grammatical comments. This means adding in a comma where it is needed. Another comment or two that I saw were rewording a run on sentence or rewording something because it sounded off. I sometimes have too much to say and it sounds good in my head but then reading out loud it doesn’t sound so good in another persons eyes. When having so much to say, I tend to just write it all down. Although, having too much to say can be a bad thing, though, in my case because things don’t always make sense. It can also be a good thing, because having a lot to say means I can write a lot on any topic. An idea comment I can change is replacing some words with stronger words. Lastly, and evidence comment that I can change or work on is adding an extra sentence after my quotes to elaborate more on the quote. These are all really helpful comments to help shape my future drafts. The bigger picture of my essay that needs fixing overall is just grammatical errors and fluency of the paper. Like I said previously, I need to work a lot on commas and I need to fix some of my sentence fluency, but I know that I can make these global changes during my next few drafts.

Final Draft:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1VxJ50w-4gBfasPXFe3VkgZ4xSzdCTJeMyUvDG9lfTfY/edit

The link above is my final draft for our second essay of the semester. This essay was on Technology and how it effects our well being. My essay was more focused on the affects of social media used on an electronic that leads to a decline in mental health.