The technology essay was easily one of my favorite essays to write this semester. I believe this to be so, because I could relate to this essay the most. Technology has consumed our world and the people that live in it. During this time, while we worked on our essays, we got to do peer review. Peer review allows you to get additional feedback on your own essay from another set of eyes. The main purpose for peer review is to improve your paper and your peers. I believe I made the best feedback on my chosen first draft of a peers technology essay. The essay I chose was Robyn’s Technology Essay. Throughout her essay I made lots of global comments. Globally commenting was hard at first because I mainly made comments such as ideas that I liked what they were writing about. Although, as I improved I began to make more comments in how they could organize their paper better, ideas on what I could connect to, ideas on what they can add to their essays, and simple grammatical errors such as what they could reword or take out completely. What helped me grow in global commenting was practice on a previous essay and using a guideline. As I became more comfortable with the topic, and the articles we read, it allowed me to excel more within my global comments. Some comments that I felt strongly about were mentioning adding in some of the authors we read ideas. For example, in the text written by Samuel my comment #5, Robyn wrote that “Samuel mentions how families do not pull away from their devices to talk to one another.” My idea was that in a previous article one of the authors mentioned that a way for the family to be together but still be connected was to play a video game. Again, this would allow the family to talk and be together without having to disconnect from technology. Another example of one of my comments was for organization. Robyn mentioned in her essay about feeling lonely in one paragraph and again in the next. My tip for organizing that section of her paper, in comment #9, was to add in a smoother transition from one paragraph to the next, and I said the connecter could be “our mental state is now defined by loneliness.” Both of these global comments could help improve her paper and the many more that I added. I feel that being able to comment globally in the way that I did shows my understanding of global comments, but there’s always room for improvement and to more comments. Adding in more global comments where they are needed will help me improve overtime and allow my peer to improve their draft as well. That is what I did for Robyn, I helped her draft improve with my global comments which benefits my learning of how to comment globally along with catching local comments for quick fixes as well. With the main goal in mind, improvement for myself and for her paper.

Below is Robyn’s Draft with My Global Comments:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1nNvIT19ySccKzCVjnFHQ7A2mbQgFuD_-jBg6vW6Tk1g/edit